The Kiss That Shattered My Soul
There had been an assortment of deadly kisses delivered to me down through the years. The kiss of my lesbian babysitter, the kiss of the man who raped me at two years old, the kiss of my many sexual offenders, and the kiss of every girl who rejected me. Sometimes it was the kiss of people who truly loved me but ended up hurting me out of their brokenness. There were the missing kisses as well—like the kiss of a daddy growing up, the kiss of a husband who loved me, the kiss of a true friend… All these were THE COLLECTIVE KISS OF SUICIDAL LOVE that mortally wounded my soul. But none hurt as much as the one that utterly shattered my existence and sent me into a life-altering suicidal depression.
At a time when I was already at my lowest, I met a man who poised himself to be my hero, my friend, and my lover. The woman he met was a walking wound from head to toe. I had septic infection in every part of my soul, the stench of which gave off an odor that any predator would have detected. Being true to the nature of a hunter, he went after me in my vulnerable weakness, delivering the deepest humiliation and most painful betrayal I had ever experienced. He was the antagonist who pushed me to my breaking point, stripping me of my will to live.
But there is something about surviving your “so-called breaking point” that gives you a new perspective on life. I realized then that being suicidal is more than self-harm or thoughts of physically dying. It is living in a way that brings death to your hopes, to your purpose, and to your dreams. It is habitually making decisions that harm you emotionally and hinder your ability to find true happiness, peace, fulfillment—and even love. Suicidal depression is not just an act, and it is much more than a negative emotion. Being suicidal is a mindset, a nature, and a lifestyle, and the truth was, I had been suicidal long before I met him. In fact, “I was always suicidal, even when I wasn’t.” BUT IT WOULD BE THE LAST TIME!
The New Book by Laneen A. Haniah
the world renowned "Dr. Intimacy"
I am SouLah the Legend
A RELEVANT VOICE
speaking the universal language of the soul…
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Dr. Intimacy is now known as influencer "SouLah the Legend". In an effort to broaden her reach and appeal to a more diverse audience, Laneen Haniah decided to change her brand. Please read Laneen's personal note about her decision to change her brand at www.LaneenHaniah.com. Thank you.